Creepy white vans and suspicious minds
Every morning before I settle in to listen to my devotional and prayer, I take our dog out to the corner for his morning constitutional (we live in a townhome and don't have a yard).
This morning as I waited for Finnegan to complete his business, a white van started slowly driving down our street. Immediately I was suspicious: "Why is this van driving so slowly?" "Why are they out so early in the morning when it's still dark?" "Are they looking for someone to kidnap... or dognap?"
Turns out it was a work van looking for its job site.
At first I thought nothing more of it, but when I sat down for some quiet time, my thoughts drifted back to the van and I became curious, this time of myself: "Why was my first reaction to be suspicious?"
SUSPICION vs CAUTION vs LOVE
The cynic in me wants to say it's simply the state of the world we live in. We are surrounded by bad apples, and I was right to be suspicious.
But there is a difference between being cautious and suspicious. A cautious person reserves judgment about a situation or person until they know more. They don't blindly trust, nor to they automatically assume the worst. A suspicious person assumes the worst about a person until proven otherwise.
In other words, the difference between a cautious person and a suspicious person is the starting place of their assumptions.
However, Scripture has something further to say on this topic:
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Normally we hear this read at weddings and we often think of it as it applies to marriage. Yes, it's true I am called to love my spouse this way... but not only my spouse.
As you likely know, there are several words in ancient Greek translated with the English word "love." One such word is eros, which can be understood as sexual love. It would be safe to say that this love is reserved for one person - my spouse.
But that's not the word used in this passage. Paul uses the well-known Greek word agape, which, according to Thomas Aquinas, means "to will the good of the other." It has been used to describe God's unconditional love for humanity, but also the love between spouses or parents and children.
Yet in several passages, Jesus and other New Testament authors are very clear that agape love is what followers of Jesus are to have for all of humanity, including our enemies (Matthew 5:44; John 13:35; Romans 12:10; 13:10; 1 John 4:8, to name a few).
Let's return first to the 1 Corinthians passage. When agape love "believes all things," clearly it does not mean it believes all sorts of bad things about the other. Rather, love attributes the best motive to the other until proven otherwise. In other words, love does not enter into suspicion unless there are facts to support it. Or, put another way, when there is no evidence to the contrary, love believes the best.
So back to the creepy white van this morning. I quickly assumed nefarious intentions of the driver, which unfortunately means I did not love well, because while suspicion assumes the worst until proven otherwise, and caution assumes nothing until proven otherwise, love assumes the best until proven otherwise.
Let me accentuate that love is not gullible. Nor does it blindly trust even when there is evidence to the contrary. An agape-loving parent will rightly caution their young child about being safe around strangers. But that agape-loving parent who is also following Jesus' example to agape-love humanity will not assume every stranger is a pedophile until proven otherwise.
PAUSE and REFLECT
Where do your assumptions about the motives of others generally land? When someone causes you pain, do you tend to be suspicious and assume the worst about the other person's intentions, or are you able to attribute the best motive until proven otherwise?
I confess for me it has been a struggle. When my first marriage ended painfully, I understandably carried wounds into my marriage with Jamie that brought out negative assumptions - about myself, her, and our relationship. I praise God Jamie persevered through the difficulty that brought us. God used her determination to love to bring incredible healing to my heart, and he still uses her today while I continue the journey.
However, like I already mentioned, God cares about the assumptions we make toward all of humanity, not just our spouse or close relationships.
Take a moment to assess your nature toward others - especially those you do not personally know. Is your heart toward them open, vast, undefended, and smiling? Or is your heart at first closed, defensive, and suspicious?
I can say this from experience: closed, defensive, and suspicious hearts are dark - even if they become that way through wounds. It's a terrible, joyless, and unhealthy way to live. When every person has to prove their worth to us before we assume the best about them, we strengthen the very walls Jesus told us to dismantle. In fact, he died to dismantle those walls (the restoration of the cross includes the restoration of our relationship with the rest of humanity).
HOW TO BE LESS SUSPICIOUS
If you sense there is more suspicion in you than you would like, here are a couple of things that can help you move toward a more loving stance:
1. PRAYERFUL INTROSPECTION: John Piper writes, "I think most of the times when I am reading negative things into people, it is because I have seen them in myself, and I suspect if I felt them, they are feeling them." So the first things we can do is ruthlessly examine ourselves (with God's help) to "see if there is any wicked way in me" (Psalm 139:23-24), because the presence of negative character in us makes us more quick to assume it's also in others.
2. ASK GOD TO FILL YOU WITH HIS LOVE: This may seem obvious, but union with Divine Love is the only way to be filled with love. We don't whip up love on our own - it is the gift of God's own presence in us, for God is Love (1 John 4:8). Thus, spend time in quiet, receptive prayer helps. Perhaps turn your palms up and ask God to fill you with love. Then imagine God's love flowing through you to those around you.
Agape-love refuses to yield to suspicion without provocation. If, like me, you are still on the road to agape-love all humanity, take heart. You're in good company with some of the greatest of saints from church history. Even more importantly, you're in the company of Jesus, for he has promised to walk the good path with all who seek the life and love he offers the world.
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