Have you ever felt prayer is awkward?
Our provincial government in British Columbia recently launched a Services Card app that allows you to carry an electronic version of your drivers license, care card, and/or ID card.
For those who have signed up for it, you will know there comes a point where you have to verify your identity by either having a video chat with a live agent or sending in a video of yourself for an agent to review.
If you choose to send a video, like I did, you have to state your full name, say a word that they show on your screen, and then do some kind of small action (e.g. "touch your nose" or "turn your head and look to the left"). I had to say the word "apple" and then smile.
It was so awkward!
I was talking to and smiling at someone who wasn't there, and there were people close by who could hear me randomly say "apple." I felt a bit foolish, to be honest. The last time I had a similar feeling was when I became a follower of Jesus and I tried praying by myself for the first time.
Do you remember the first time you tried praying out loud? Or can you imagine how a person who is not a follower of Jesus might think about praying? "So you want me to speak out loud to someone who may or may not exist, and may or may not be listening, but instead of saying a random word you want me to pour out my heart and soul?"
When I prayed out loud in a room by myself for the first time, even though I was a follower of Jesus, it was a new thing and it felt weird. I felt the same the first time I sang a worship song to God, and the first time I raised my hands in worship.
Eventually, prayer (and musical worship) became a regular rhythm and practice of my spiritual walk, and now it would be weird to live life without it. But it took some discipline to build that rhythm to the place where it felt normal. That's why the Scriptures remind us to be diligent and persistent in prayer - because it takes time to form a good habit, and unfortunately it take less time to lose that same habit.
“Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always."
~ 1 Chronicles 16:11
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
~ Romans 12:12
PAUSE and REFLECT: How are your spiritual habits today?
When you pray, does it feel like anyone is listening? Your head may tell you, "Of course!" but does your heart believe you? Sometimes prayer brings feelings of intense joy and intimacy. Other times there is the empty feeling of "Is anyone even there or listening?" Both are normal, and we shouldn't feel guilty that we may swing between these two extremes. Read the Psalms - the authors had times of both intense joy and intense emptiness.
The more important question, however, is whether prayer is a habitual rhythm in our life. Not so much a habit arising from obligation and duty, but more so a habit formed by the desire to connect, grow, and develop a sense of rootedness.
If prayer still feels weird to you, that's OK. Trust that as you persevere the feeling will pass. If prayer was once joy and intimacy with God but now feels like empty words to an empty room, that's OK too. Seasons like this are normal, and they too pass if persist in this good habit (see Galatians 6:9). If prayer is a wonderful blessing to you today, that's awesome. Enjoy it and keep it fresh.
Also, let us have compassion on and give encouragement to those who are unfamiliar with prayer. It is a tremendous step in growth to begin praying, especially for a person who has never done it before.
Take a moment to thank God for his presence in your life and in your prayers, even if you don't feel him like you used to. How might he be inviting you today to take another step in establishing AND enjoying this wonderful spiritual habit?
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Photo by Bernard Hermant on Unsplash