Mourning according to Jesus (Beatitudes part 2)

Last year, a colleague’s husband tragically passed away, leaving her with two small children. Our school staff did our best to care for that family - coordinating meals, Christmas gifts, and cards. On one card, someone wrote the second beatitude to encourage her: Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.

While the sentiment is nice, it’s a misunderstanding of this Beatitude, and perhaps not the most helpful phrase to share with someone grieving the loss of a loved one. In fact, another friend flatly told me that sharing a phrase like this is entirely unhelpful.

So what should we do instead?

Rather than sharing this phrase with someone in grief, focus more on the action of comforting that person. In the words of my friend: “Instead of saying the words, the most comforting thing is to be comfort. Yes, Scripture says God will be comfort to us when we mourn, but if we are embodying the beatitudes, it also can mean we should be comfort to those who mourn. The action outweighs the words every single time.”

These are wise words from grieving person about grief and comfort. However, the depth of this Beatitude goes even further, and the meaning of Jesus' words may surprise you.

Even though we often think of these words applying to another person's grief, when Jesus taught this Beatitude, mourning had less to do with someone grieving, and more to do with those experiencing what Theophylact of Ochrid calls intense agonizing sorrow “not only for their own sins but for those of our neighbor.”

This Beatitude is rooted in the previous one: poverty of spirit. When we get real honest with God about our daily motivations, thoughts, desires and actions, we realize we are still so very far from emanating Christlike character, to which the correct response is grief. Additionally, when we look at the abject suffering in our families, cities, and world, what can we do but mourn? Things shouldn’t be this way, yet here we are. Those who grieve these things are closer to the heart of God than they may realize.

Jesus himself models intense grief at the state of his world. In Matthew 23, he delivers a scathing, terrifying critique of the Scribes and Pharisees and their hard-hearted role in leading God’s people astray. Yet immediately after, Jesus cries, “How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you would not!” (Matthew 23:37). Jesus is practicing lament; he’s anguished at the hardness of heart of these people for they’ve excluded themselves from a flourishing life.

Darrell Johnson suggests that once we begin to draw closer to Jesus, “we get closer to his heart, and we discover that it is a broken heart”. Jesus mourns over the state of the world, and the more Jesus takes hold of us, the more we share his burden. We grieve deeply at the state of humanity (ourselves included).

But here is the beautiful promise of this Beatitude: when we allow our hearts to be soft enough to lament these things, we are comforted by our Comforter, who both understands and covers us with peace that makes no sense. Beatitude people will be evident by their broken hearts and the comfort God offers them.

PAUSE and REFLECT:

Does your heart break for others? Or has it become too hard or too exhausting for you to care?

When confronted with your own weaknesses and failures, how do you respond? Self-condemnation? Shame? Or honest grief before your Comforter?

PRAYER:

Jesus, this week, when confronted by my own short-comings, I will turn to you in grief. I will refuse the temptation to spiral into shame, self-condemnation, or indifference. This week, when confronted with painful global situations, cruel and ugly actions of others, and the brokenness and suffering around us, I will choose not to numb out and avoid, but to pray over these situations with grief. May I grieve at that which you grieve at.

BONUS CONTENT: TIPS FOR DEALING WITH GRIEVING PEOPLE
(From someone currently grieving):

BE the comfort they need. BE Jesus to this person. Actions outweigh words every single time.
Allow the person their grief. You do not need to share your own grief story or helpful hints. Just come alongside them
Good things you can say (according to someone currently grieving) are:
- This is so sad…I’m so sorry
- Here’s what I loved about _______________
- My favourite memory of ______________ is ___________________
- I’m grateful to have known them
Don’t say things like:
- It was his/her time
- God has a plan / everything happens for a reason
- They are in a better place
- They lived a good life