The "Critical" Choice: Comfort or Growth

When I turned 30 I began pastoring a church in North Vancouver. It was my first time being in the role of lead pastor, and I definitely had church visions of grandeur heading into the calling. I was looking forward to seeing the church turn around from it's difficult past and begin to thrive once again.

Looking back at my time there, I encountered all manner of God's family, and they taught me much about leadership and people. There were those eager to see a new vision in the church, and those who wanted things to stay the same. Those for whom it seemed I could do no wrong, and those for whom I could do no right. Board members who loved to encourage, and board members who loved to criticize.

At times the criticism of people humbled me. Sometimes it hurt me. Other times it angered me. If I'm honest, however, I would say usually the criticism (even good and constructive criticism) angered me before it humbled me. One board member wisely observed my response to critique and said to me, "You are like the first son in the parable of the two sons [Matthew 21:28-32]. Your first reaction is 'No,' but after you go and think about it, it becomes a 'Yes.'"

I've never forgotten those words, because they still often ring true today.

According to Proverbs, how we respond to criticism is crucial to our wellbeing and growth as followers of Jesus.

The ear that listens to life-giving reproof
will dwell among the wise.
Whoever ignores instruction despises himself,
but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence.

~ Proverbs 15:31-32

In other words, if we stop listening to life-giving reproof (good criticism), we put our own comfort before the health of our souls.

Is all criticism good? Absolutely not. At the church mentioned above I was once harshly criticized because I wanted to put art on the walls in the church foyer (because it's idolatry). I was also criticized for making reference to the Myers-Briggs personality profile at a board retreat (because it's Satanic), for playing part of a secular song as a sermon illustration about how the world thinks of money (because how dare I play Abba in church), and for asking the board to read and discuss a book about church that one of the members disagreed with (because it showed I was an apostate).

Yes, all those were real criticism I received. None of it was good or constructive (or even theologically sound), so although it frustrated me to hear it, I didn't give it too much further thought.

But, like the wise words of the board member above, there were times I received constructive criticism, and times when a board member dragging their feet about change had good reasons for it and needed to be heard, and times I needed to apologize for being unaware of the needs of people.

Those were the times I needed to listen. Sometimes I did immediately. Sometimes it took time before I truly heard what they were saying. Sometimes, sadly, I ignored their hard but constructive words.

It's not always a bad thing to take time with another person's criticism. It may be we have to filter out the harshness of someone's delivery before we hear the truth of their words. That takes time. It may be we have to pray through a person's words to hear God's heart in them. That takes time. It may be we have simply have to process the new information given to us about how we are perceived by others. That take time.

In the end, the amount of time is secondary. The willingness to take the time is preeminent. In other words, whether it takes minutes or days, will we listen, will we process the words, and will we humbly adjust as God directs?

PAUSE and REFLECT: How do you respond to criticism? Again, let me reiterate that I am definitely "on the way" with how I filter criticism. I'd like to say I'm farther along than when I was thirty, but I recognize the road goes ever on.

If we're honest, our response is often dictated by what is being criticized. The more deeply we care about the topic, the closer it is to our heart and identity, the harder it is to hear criticism. Also, there are times we prefer our own comfort (ignoring the criticism) to the health of our souls (learning from the criticism). But the Scriptures are correct. Wise people listen to good criticism.

Knowing this, let's take a moment to reflect. Are there words of criticism you recently (or not so recently) heard that you've ignored? What would it be like for you to sit with Jesus, lay those words on the table, and sift through them with him? Perhaps he can help you see what words to hold on to, what words to let go of, and what to do next.

Again, it's OK to be "on the way." Not just with receiving criticism, but also with growing in character and Christlikeness. Wherever we are, we are deeply loved. God is our biggest cheerleader, and our biggest truth-teller. That's why it's crucial to filter our criticism with him.

So take heart, for Jesus' love, encouragement, and truth will take even the harshest of words and guide us to a good, fertile place of growth.

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Photo by Afif Ramdhasuma on Unsplash