The hidden problem in servant-hearted people
"Love" is a familiar concept to followers of Jesus, and hopefully a familiar experience as well. We often hear about the love of God, loving God in return, loving one another, sacrificial love, servant-hearted love, and a myriad of other word combinations with "love."
However, although many sermons remind us we are loved by God, we don't often hear about being loved by others. Loving others, yes, but being loved by others, not so much. It is true that an act of love is to sacrificially serve one another. It is also true, however, that an act of love is to allow ourselves to be sacrificially served.
I'll be honest with you - this is an uncomfortable topic for me. It is intensely difficult for me to allow myself to be served by another.
Early in my marriage to Jamie (and even now at times), the lack of willingness to be lovingly served caused problems. Every time Jamie tried to bless me or do something for me, I would want to help her or (in my mind) serve her by doing it myself. Of course, the result was I did not bless or help her. Instead, I silenced Jamie's desire to express love that way, which hurt her.
We have many examples from the gospels of Jesus sacrificially loving and serving others. A few that quickly come to mind: the Cross, washing the disciples feet, teaching and feeding the 5,000 when Jesus needed rest, staying up late into the night to heal all who came to see him.
"For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
~ Matthew 20:28
"Who is more important, the one who sits at the table or the one who serves? The one who sits at the table, of course. But not here! For I am among you as one who serves."
~ Luke 22:27
Clearly, it is Christlike to serve.
That said, even though Jesus stated he came not to be served, we have many examples of Jesus allowing others to serve him, such as Peter's mother-in-law, Martha's family, and his disciples. When Peter's mother-in-law brought him food or drink, or when Mary went to anoint him and wash his feet with her hair, he didn't stop them and do it himself.
In fact, if you think about it, in order for all of us to serve one another, we must all allow ourselves to be served.
Please do not misunderstand: this is not to say we should always be the one reclining at the table. Yes, for some of us, being served almost 100% of the time may be a necessary reality (e.g. if we are ill or convalescing, we will do much more being served than serving). But for most of us being served, it is assumed we are also loving and serving others.
In other words, always being served by others is un-Christlike and unloving. Similarly, avoiding being served by others is un-Christlike and unloving. It's hard for servant-hearted people to be served, but to avoid it robs another person the opportunity to obey Jesus by serving you.
PAUSE and REFLECT: How do you feel when someone makes a big deal about you, or does something to serve and bless you? Do you feel uncomfortable, selfish, or unworthy? I can relate. I am on my way to learning to be loved and served. God has brought me far down that road, but I admit it is still mostly uncomfortable.
For me, one issue that needed counselling to overcome was the deep-seated belief that I do not deserve to be loved or served, and if I don't deserve it, how could I let someone else do that for me? Sure, I guess I can let God love me, because, well, he's God. It's his character and identity to love me (1 John 4:16). But someone else? I'm not worthy of that. Or so I thought.
Perhaps you can relate...
Feeling undeserving or unworthy is understandable, but it's also a lie. If that's how you feel, part of your own growth process will be to allow yourself to be served. It will be an imperative step if you want to reach maturity in Christ (and I say this as a person who struggles with that).
Even if being served is a struggle, what would it be like for you to shift perspective and see you being served as an opportunity to also love and bless the other person by allowing them to imitate Christ?
So this week, my invitation to you is (assuming you are already one who serves others) the next time someone starts to serve you, let them. Don't feel like you have to pay them back in some way. Instead, receive it with gratitude, know you are loved, and simply say thank you.
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Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash