Our greatest desire and our greatest fear are the same thing

How well known are you? 

Usually with this question we assume the person is asking about quantity, as in how many people have heard of us (or asking a celebrity how famous they are). However, in this case, I'm not asking about quantity (how many people know who you are), but quality (how deeply known are you by those who know you).

In other words, the amount of people we know or are known by have little impact on our quality of life or our sense of wellbeing, but the depth by which we know and are known has a huge impact on our wellness. Being deeply known by one, two, or three people is much more enriching than shallowly knowing dozens of people.

So why is it so hard to truly know and be known? 

Truthfully, because it comes at a high cost: vulnerability. The more we keep the "real me" inside, the less known we are, but bringing out the real me comes with the risk of rejection, which is scary. Reject the shallow me? Bummer, but not a big deal. Reject the real me after I've opened up my deep fears, insecurities, and brokenness to you? Ouch.

And yet we are not fully alive if we are not known.

Perhaps Frederick Buechner said it best:

“What we hunger for perhaps more than anything else is to be known in our full humanness, and yet that is often what we also fear more than anything else.”

What I truly need to be alive comes with great risk, and that risk is enough for some of us to never venture into vulnerability.

Will that deep need be met by God? Yes, in a sense, absolutely it can be met by God. You are already deeply known by God and already deeply loved by God as you are right now. You do not need to change in order to experience the love of God.

This doesn't mean God doesn't offer us growth, healing, and movement toward wellness. He does. But we don't have to walk that path in order to be loved by him. In other words, God's path in life offers us the opportunity to be more fully alive as we were meant to be, but it is not a requirement for his love.

However, if we do choose to walk his path to being more fully alive, that path includes others. Moreover, these others are not just fellow pilgrims on the path; they are also a necessity for our wellness. 

I'm an introvert. I love being alone. However, according to Scripture, I need people in my life who I know and am known by if I want to experience the fullness of life:
 

“Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near."
~ Hebrews 10:24-25

"Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts. For if either falls, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to lift him up."
~ Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

"Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."
~ Galatians 6:2

In other words, people need people (sorry, fellow introverts).

Knowing and being known is one of the ways the community of Jesus incarnates (fleshes out, makes solid and touchable) the presence of Jesus in the lives of one another. Yet knowing and being known also requires the risk of vulnerability, and vulnerability is hard, especially for those of us who have risked before and been burned.

Yet one of the greatest gifts you can offer another person, and one of the greatest ways to love others, is to offer yourself.

PAUSE and REFLECT:

Let's end with two questions. First, where is God inviting you toward vulnerability? Is there a relationship in your life that needs more of you - not just your time, but more of the real you?

Second, what are you doing to contribute to the safety of your community, so others can take the risk of vulnerability with you or with their community? In this case, perhaps think of Church at the Hub (or your own faith community). One of our values is "Belong," yet in order for a person to feel like they belong (and be willing to open up their lives), they need to feel welcomed and safe.

My encouragement to us this week is simple: be more well known - not in quantity, but in quality. As scary as it seems, it will lead to a better, more full life with God and others.