Stop awfulizing
Do you tend to assume the best or the worst about people and situations?
If you receive a text that is open to interpretation, depending on the tone, do you lean more toward a negative interpretation? If something happens, do you predict the most catastrophic outcome of the circumstance? Do you keep worrying terrible things will happen to loved ones?
Psychologists have a term for this: awfulizing.
Defined as, "the tendency to overestimate the potential seriousness or negative consequences of events, situations, or perceived threats," awfulizing is a common and destructive thought pattern that robs us of peace, joy, and contentment. Whether it's assuming bad intentions to someone's motivation or incessantly asking negative "what if..." questions, awfulizing
makes us feel, well, awful.
So why do we do it?
Sadly, one of the more common times we awfulize is when things are going well. We have a hard time believing life could be this good and we start expecting things to turn negative. When we feel happy, it makes us vulnerable (because now we have something to lose), so we talk / think ourselves down from joy.
"Each of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy. When we exceed our inner thermostat setting, we will often do something to sabotage ourselves, causing us to drop back into the old, familiar zone where we feel secure.”
~ Gay Hendricks, quoted by Iris Van Ooyen
When we awfulize, we immediately halt all our forward progress. Our spirit breaks, we lose energy, we halt our spiritual and character growth, and we can destroy relationships.
Although awfulizing is a modern term, Scripture has something to say about this habit:
"Be careful what you think,
because your thoughts run your life."
~ Proverbs 4:23 (NCV)
This is a simple and powerful truth. Our thoughts (not our circumstances) determine our inner sanguinity, and they heavily influence the outcome of our life and relationships.
We may think it's our actions that count, but what determines the course of our action? Our thoughts. When we deliver that scathing reply to an email or text, have we not first thought about what the person wrote, the tone, and what they mean? During the pandemic, when we refused to leave home for fear of catching something, did we not first express a volley of "What ifs..." (what if I get infected... what if I have it right now and don't know it... what if I spread it to others... )?
The quality of our thoughts will determine the quality of our life.
PAUSE and REFLECT: Have there ever been times you have jumped to negative conclusions about people or negative predictions about the future? Are you quick to be offended and slow to assume good motivations?
I have been guilty of all of the above, and I think if we're honest, we could all say we've been there. Some of us are more inclined than others to think this way, but none of us need to. The problem is habitual thinking creates a neural pathway in our brain (like a well-used trail) that continually leads us to the same result. The more we do it, the more automatic awfulizing becomes.
To create a new path, or a new way of thinking, may take some effort at first, but it can be done. Here are three practices that can interrupt awfulizing and move us toward wellness in thoughts.
1. Express Gratitude (1 Thessalonians 5:18). The simple practice of a gratitude journal is an easy way to shift our thinking. What we focus on grows. By focusing on goodness and gratitude, our worry and negative assumptions diminish.
2. Coach yourself with positivity (Psalm 19:14; Philippians 4:8). This is not about trite expressions of misplaced hope, but about replacing lies with truth.
For example, if we frequently predict negative outcomes, we can memorize a bible verse such as Ephesians 1:3 or Romans 8:28 to remind us we are united with Jesus, and because of this we have received every spiritual blessing God offers and he will work things for our good.
Similarly, if we frequently assume bad motivations in others, we may use 1 Corinthians 13:7 to remind ourselves that love assumes the best, or 1 Corinthians 4:5 to remind ourselves not to pronounce judgment before its time.
Alternatively, we can replace negative words with positive ones. Take the above fear of catching something. We could replace all those negative "what ifs" with "What if I stay healthy? What if my immune system is strong and healthy?"
3. Smile (proverbs 15:30; 17:22) . This may seem silly, but it's actually a powerful way to shift our mood and our thinking. Studies show that physically smiling lifts our spirits. Try it right now for 15 seconds... Set reminders throughout your day and when you see or hear them, smile.
We cannot change past circumstances... nor control present circumstances... nor predict future circumstances... but we can influence how we think about them. If, like much of humanity, you occasionally (or frequently) tend to awfulize, there are ways you, with God's help, can improve your inner landscape.
Take a moment to pray and ask God to show you where your inmost thoughts may be leading you astray from his peace and joy, especially your habitual thoughts. The truth will not change the love and delight God has for you, but it will help you be aware of the well-used trails in your thought life. Then pray and ask Jesus to help you trailblaze a new path for your thoughts.
In time, the thoughts that run your life will lead you to the green pastures and still waters of his presence with you in all circumstances and his love for all people.
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Photos by Hello I'm Nik on Unsplash