The passive and active ways to character growth
Jesus told them, “You will indeed drink from my bitter cup..."
“You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people... But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
~ Matthew 20:23-28
What is “character growth”? When it occurs in a person, what is happening?
More importantly, is character growth something we choose to make happen (as if we might say, “OK, character trait, grow now!” and boom it happens) or is it something that happens to us?
What character growth is and is not.
Let’s start with what character growth isn’t. It isn’t acting. It’s not deciding one day, “I’m going to be more patient” and then keeping calm all day long through sheer willpower alone.
Yes, we need to make those choices to externally behave with godly character, and yes it takes willpower to do so, and yes deciding to put on Christlike character is always a good thing. However, although we are acting with good character, external actions alone are not the same as having the character of Christ.
Character growth is internal. It comes from a transformed heart and leads to godly actions. It’s the difference between acting patiently and being patient. Externally they may look the same, but internally they are very different.
In other words, true, lasting character growth happens from the inside out.
The problem is, of course, we cannot transform our own hearts. Transformation happens through the loving action of God in our life. Our choice is to either fight it or open ourselves to it.
So the next question is, how do I open myself to God loving character transformation in me?
An audacious request and a bitter cup.
Matthew records a story where the mother of James and John approaches Jesus and asks him to seat her sons at his left and right in his kingdom.
Jesus replies, “You don’t know what you are asking! Are you able to drink from the bitter cup of suffering I am about to drink?” to which James and John emphatically state, “Oh yes, we are able!”
The verses above are Jesus’ reply to James and John. He agrees that James and John will suffer, but then he tells them and all the disciples they must choose to serve. One instance is passive - something will happen to them (the suffering). The other instance is active – they choose to do something (the serving).
The interesting thing is, when it comes to character growth, the results of suffering and serving are similar.
The passive approach: Suffering and character growth.
Let’s be honest. In the grand scheme of things, relative to people in other areas of the world or other times in history, we don’t suffer much (comparatively). If you’re receiving this email, you are likely housed with electricity, have medical care when needed, and are employed (or at the very least have food on the table every day). You can read, which means you have had some form of education, and your life expectancy is higher than it’s ever been in history.
Of course, we still suffer, and sometimes greatly – terminal illness, relational brokenness, childhood trauma, psychological disorders, catastrophic events happen to us, and when they do life can be very, very dark.
Thankfully though, when we suffer, God does not waste it. Suffering has the potential to produce much fruit in our lives. It can develop strength, perseverance, and character growth. So much so that if God said to us, “I can erase all the wounds and scars that season of suffering caused in your life, but I would also have to remove all the good and character growth that came out of it and made you who you are today,” most people would choose to keep the wounds and the strength they brought.
However, for the most part, we do not choose suffering. In fact, we shouldn’t choose suffering as an end in itself. Sometimes we choose to suffer through something because of where it leads, but we don’t choose to suffer for the sake of suffering. Rather, like Jesus said, suffering is something that happens to us, and we are the passive recipients of it.
The active approach: Serving and character growth.
Yet, even though our relationship with suffering is a passive one, our relationship with serving is an active one. Serving doesn’t accidentally happen to us. We choose to do it.
Jesus doesn't tell the disciples to choose suffering – he says it will just happen to them. But he does tell them to choose serving: “Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave.”
…And when we make that choice, we are following the example of Jesus: “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
…And if we are following Jesus, he is at work within us.
…And if God is lovingly at work within us, we are being transformed, for the work of God is the work of transformation.
So when we choose to serve, it opens us to the loving, transformational work of God in our heart, and the result is we grow. We become more like Christ from the inside out.
How to choose character growth.
We cannot choose to make the fruit of the Spirit suddenly appear, just like we cannot say to our muscles, “Be physically stronger starting today.”
The choice is not to grow kindness or patience or joy directly. The choice is to stop living selfishly and start serving others (especially those who cannot help themselves). When we make that choice, the lifestyle of loving service opens our heart toward God and others, and it cultivates Christ’s character within us.
Choose to serve, and as a result, character growth will occur.
PAUSE and REFLECT.
What choice will you make today?
You and I certainly can choose to act with Christ-like character today – that’s always a good choice.
But perhaps today we can move beyond willpower to inner transformation. For that to happen, we must choose to put ourselves in (likely uncomfortable) situations that best open us up to God’s loving work in our heart.
According to Jesus in the passage we just read, there are two situations where this happens best: suffering (which we do not directly choose) and serving (which we can directly choose).
Choose to serve others and the Spirit’s fruit will grow.